so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
