Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
