Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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