As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just pee around me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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