Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
