Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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