Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
