defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
