so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
