At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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