That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
