Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
