I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
