In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
