I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
