I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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