Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
