its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize