No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
