it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
