I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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