I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
