on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I sprained my soul last night
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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