sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
