Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
