Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
