When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
