I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
