I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
