I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Drunk is not a location!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
