That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
