Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize