I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just cropdusted the office
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
