She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
