Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
