wat bout pragnant strippers??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
