I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
