My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
