Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
