lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
