ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
