The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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