Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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