Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
