I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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