even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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