What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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