then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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