i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
