I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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