Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
