hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
