No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
