First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
