my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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