Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Fuck appropriateness.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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