Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He shit in the fireplace
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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