What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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