I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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