There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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