Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
