Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
