DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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