After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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