I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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