It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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