I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Are my feet made of real feet?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
