Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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