Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
