i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
