it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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