he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize