Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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