HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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